The Task: An Exploration of Black, Queer Healing

My ongoing series, The Task: An Exploration of Black Queer Healing (2022-present), explores the impacts of socialization in religious spaces on the identities of Black queer people. The first contributions to this series stemmed from my conversations with my cousin, Aaron, who passed away in 2021. In his last days, we had countless intimate conversations about how our shared experiences of queerphobia in church and community impacted our understanding of our identities, our ability to embrace them, and our sense of belonging.

As a Black, queer person, my very being and existence are incompatible with the boxes that colonialism and capitalism force us into. As a result, many of us contort ourselves into them for survival. Black queer and gender-expansive people often experience specific alienation and harm in both Black and queer spaces. In my experience, one of those spaces is the Black church.  Evangelical Christianity laid the groundwork for my identity formation in childhood and adolescence. The church was one of my first communities. There, I learned the importance of collective care, discovered my love for music, and had my first transcendent experiences. The church is also where I, and other queer folks, despite constantly hearing, “God created you in His image,” learned that God hated us entirely or could only accept or tolerate us in pieces and parts. 

 

One of Aaron’s last requests of me was, “Keep doing your work.” The Task is a space for us to tell our stories and truths. I recognize that our vulnerability carves out space for healing, not just for ourselves but for others. This project has helped me process his death, reconcile my queer identity with my religious upbringing, and provide a space for others to do the same. The purpose of highlighting these stories is to share how we process our experiences, seek and obtain safety, and find healing and community.

I began capturing long form interviews and portraits of friends at New York City Pride in 2022, exploring our understandings of queerness and our queer identities, our journeys with religion and spirituality, self-acceptance, healing, and finding community. Full transcripts of these conversations accompany portraits in various moments and settings. The Task is an affirming love letter to Black queer people who are learning to honor their experiences and authentically connect with themselves, their communities, and the divine. 

“It's ok to be gay. Number one, because you're going to torture yourself about it and deal with a lot of things you don't need to deal with because you are shying away from it. But just lean in and that's where the magic happens.”

- Zeenat (she/her)

“What I think I needed to hear was…I don't have to find my chosen family. They're going to find me. I feel like I was longing and looking for that online and I didn't find it there. I found some folks but like in real time, I've always found that the people I wanted to be around…or they found me.

I've always felt kind of nomadic in that way — kind of like chasing the idea of queerness but never materializing it or finding it in myself. I feel like once I found or like accepted who I am and kind of like deconstructed my internalized homophobia and anti-queerness from my family, I feel like I was embraced by a community of people. I feel like I almost reflect or mirror it.”

- Slant (they/she)

“You're not going to hell! I just think that it's something that you have to accept if you buy into the faith and you buy into a god that loves you and a god that is whoever he is to you. Like I'm a queer Christian and I have that tattooed on my body.

You're not going to hell! And if you do then you did the best you could because you did a lot. You did a lot and you still like held onto that shit. Whatever…you did what you had to do. I didn't even ask to be here. Remember that!”

- Amber (she/her)

“…Hang in there. It's gonna get better. It's not always gonna be like this. And hold onto your truth cause sometimes that's all you have. Even though it may seem like your truth is a lie to everyone else or your truth is problematic to other people, at the end of the day, you're the one who has to live your life so do it for you. Don’t do it for anybody else. Hold onto that truth.”

-Afiya (she/her)

“Don't be afraid of yourself - all the parts that you feel like you have to hide because no one will ever love, or the things that you're ashamed of...The things that actually make you really special and unique and are gifts from the universe or whatever creation origin we came from. That’s not something to run from or hide from, but to embrace.”

- Olivia (she/they)

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